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birds by ~untrendy:iconuntrendy:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Nature > Open




I live in a peculiar world with birds.
They use my ceiling as their landing pad.
They have no walls, as well,
enabling them to go any direction but down,
in their own home.
Birds must lead very optimistic lives.
I've also found that I drive a moving toilet,
which I clean at various times,
only to find it egested upon,
and in need of cleaning again.
This is all okay with me though,
because sometimes they miss the toilet,
and excrete on their own floor.
I guess you can say that's where we agree with each other.
©2006-2009 ~untrendy
:iconuntrendy:

Author's Comments

- it is what you make of it -

Comments


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:iconffentoozler:
~ffentoozler Jun 14, 2006, 11:38:58 AM
i enjoyed it :)

--
Awful happens all the time try not to let it kill you
:iconuntrendy:
~untrendy Jun 14, 2006, 11:40:00 AM
Well i'm glad!

--
\\ end - xxz
:iconcatofcombs:
~catofcombs Jun 14, 2006, 7:05:56 PM
Sorry that I didn't get to be the first commentor : ( But aside from "neato" here's what I think. The voice reminds me a bit of Dean Young, especially in "Sunflower" which you should check out. I think you'd like it. You've got a lot of nice sounds working for you here and a fun/interesting concept. My main criticism is that I think it can be pared down a bit to omit the less poetic words like "also," "though," "because," and "sometimes." Just tighten it up a bit. And write more : )

--
"If your daily life seems poor, do not blame it, blame yourself for not being poet enough to call forth its riches." -Rainer Maria Rilke
:iconuntrendy:
~untrendy Jun 14, 2006, 7:10:01 PM
Yes yessss good good advice. This is my first poem ever, I need to know things like bad words. Excellent. I just wrote those down on my "list".

--
\\ end - xxz
:iconpayachi:
~Payachi Jul 3, 2006, 5:09:48 PM
taht was interesting. cute oreview by the way. I liked the perpective as the bird toilet. cool idea.
:iconforgettheface:
~forgettheface Jul 14, 2006, 11:54:55 AM
whimsical! i must respectably disagree with the above comment regarding less poetic words. it made the piece feel very casual, almost like a discussion with the birds. i kind of got a kick out of it, but i guess it just depends on what kind of style you're going for. anyway, lovely job, i anticipate seeing more writings from you! :thumbsup:
:iconcaylin:
~Caylin Aug 3, 2006, 6:32:58 AM
Odd topic and very commonly worded,but it IS good.

--
Your praying to the great lords internet with your complaints, and after they feed on your suffering, they shit out happynes. *drackar
:iconuntrendy:
~untrendy Aug 3, 2006, 7:22:17 AM
Maybe I read too much bukowski.

--
\\ end - xxz
:iconcaylin:
~Caylin Aug 3, 2006, 7:40:16 AM
:heart: maybe.

--
Your praying to the great lords internet with your complaints, and after they feed on your suffering, they shit out happynes. *drackar
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